A relaxed attitude helps the Spanish enjoy life

SAN FRANCISCO September 22, 1993 -- DON'T SMOKE! Don't drink alcohol! They're bad for you. Don't wear perfume! It pollutes the air. Don't walk bare-breasted on the beach! It's obscene. Don't express anger! It's not acceptable behavior.

So many "do's and don't's" make us a rule-oriented society with watchdogs everywhere.

So much for a relaxed environment where people live and let live, I thought when I returned to the United States in 1990 after living five years abroad.

For the past year, I had been living in Spain, where enjoyment of life is a major focus.

"There is nothing better than to eat, drink and enjoy the fruits of one's labor." Solomon's words from Ecclesiastes" best describe the Spanish style of living. I saw great wisdom in it.

Many American rules are associated with health. It's much healthier, I thought, not to carry additional stress by worrying so much about what someone else is doing. Much better to be free than to be bound up by so many rules.

Enjoyment of life is not so easy either for those raised by puritanical precepts. It took me three years in Spain to begin to see the fruits of acculturation. It's something one really needs to be born into.

Those from northern Spain don't understand it as well as those from Andalusia, the southern province where enjoying life has been mastered.

Madrilenas from central Spain, conditioned more by Franco's regime and his designated Spanish pope "El Pio XII," aren't so quick with a finger click, the clap of the hands or the beat of the feet to Spanish music. For the Andaluz, this comes second nature.

Born in the U.S.? We carry our own set of judgments about those who are free from life's rules and regulations.

Before I left the States in 1985, "politically correct" was not part of the vocabulary. When I returned in 1990, I had to ask.

Though the term was often associated with things I believed in, such as pro-choice and freedom of expression, I sometimes couldn't tell whether it meant the philosophy of the conservative right or the liberal left. It seemed too judgmental. It excluded all those things it took me three years to really appreciate while living in the Spanish culture.

In Madrid, a hive of activity and outward expression, a problem on public transportation resulted in a buzz of Spanish voices outraged at an injustice.

In contrast, San Francisco's buses seemed abnormally quiet. Here, it is not all right to show anger. It could be dangerous. Americans learn to squelch it.

Una copa de vino with lunch or dinner, a normal part of everyday Spanish life, can be considered a drinking problem in San Francisco. Recent studies show wine is good for lowering the cholesterol and for those with heart problems. Still, we continue to find ways to disprove that.

Perhaps a hangover from the Women's Christian Temperance Union and Prohibition?

Smoking in Spain could be a national problm, Walk into any bar there and breathing becomes difficult. It was usually the Americans who were quick to tell them to stop it.

SEXUALITY? Here, we are less able to express it. It could be considered a come-on. It's too dangerous. We learn to cover up. Though the sexes in Spain have their own set of problems to deal with, touching is a natural part of life there. A kiss on both cheeks when greeting a friend, walking hand in hand down the street, just a show of affection. Here, we read more into it.

Every country has its own set of rules that one must live by. In the Mediterranean countries, they are more relaxed. In the U.S., we are more advanced, more aware of health problems. In addition, it seems we must continually watch our P's and Q's.